A LETTER TO ANN COULTER: WHY I LOVE YOU THROUGH THE YEARS AND EVEN MORE NOW

9/11/2008 1:57:35 PM

Daddy's little girl has a little bit country and a little bit of rock and roll: (Excerpts from another letter but a glimpse of what or why Ann was crying about, when children cry and why.)

I told you over and over how lonely it is in a cold cell in complete isolation. Nobody is there and it is lonely. Then the feeling of coldness in your body and your body giving up and wanting to release the energy, almost death or very close; I had felt this before and while in the Army, your body wants to lay down and die. But you got to fight and you yell at yourself. You get this out of body experience where you float over the battle and you float from a view where a voice takes over.

Maybe children are like that feeling of loneliness. Maybe it is that helpless feeling and being reliant on those memories of being loved and being so at peace and family. Ann and I feel that peace and that family only a little child knows so well. That is what it feels like with Ann and being with her for 20 years being partners and best of friends. It is a shame and death to not recognize it as the most beautiful love in this world. It is something you do not want to ever trade in or replace. It is very hard to replace such a feeling or such an experience. Now try watching a combat scenario where a vicious attack by thugs or enemies is occurring; nonstop and the feeling of being there and helpless.

Little girls are really cute and hugging your little thing and having her smile back and love you is just a dream. Our little girl would be so adorable. I however, would hug that little girl and tell her I am always there and I will protect her. To not cry and how daddy would never leave her or let anyone harm her. Then I would ask why she was crying and if I can do anything, even stay up all night. Why? Because she asked and because she is a little human being who is scared in this world and holds onto me and sees me as the guy who rocks her to sleep and carries her when she is tired or hurt. Then when she gets older, she will have this image in her mind of this man who used to ask her “hey little girl, why you so sad and so blue tonight? Won’t you tell me so I can make it go away?” That is not far from the story of Ann and me. That is the type of relationship we have and how close we are. That is what we aspired to and what 20 years of being partners is about. It is hard to explain and even harder when you have or must go into battle or win World War III as partners only to find our lives turned upside down or into a tragedy.

See, I would not let someone so precious slip my radar and her crying unanswered. She is scared and she has nobody. It is my job to ask her why or here her complain and I know I can do it and get it right because I try hard to be perfect. She thinks I am perfect also. That little girl relies on me and she knows deep in her heart that she is daddy's little girl who is so much older than what her age dictates her to act. When she grows older, she will say, my dad is perfect and I know this. He used to talk to me and make me stop crying and I never knew how he did it or why but he did and I love him. Now how precious is that and how much would most little girls pay for that little bit of life? You see, when you have that kind of relationship with someone, they never forget and they cherish you only with the pureness of their hearts and the mental clarity of knowing just how special you treated them. But you do not notice it because it is your little friend and little girl who needs you and who dreams of this figure who can make her sense that memory we all know. What is so special? She is just your little girl and that is what it is all about.

Some people would recognize that and go and see that little girl and kneel down and act stupid. Ya know, play with her dolls and make her laugh. She knows who that is and she knows that is her real friend. Even a little kid, someone you can lie and cheat so easily knows that guy and knows he will always be there and never give up on her, never. He listens to her, plays with her, and makes her so happy she falls asleep in his arms and dreams about one day when she grows up and can be like him. Now you understand through her eyes and what a true partnership is like.

Well, little girls can dream because she will never be like him, never. Why? Because he is the sun, the moon, and the sky; and when it falls; life fall also. That little girl, she now has to go to her room and play with her dolls because mommy can not and someone took daddy away. See, you have to reach down deep inside and even if your body tells you to lay down and accept that creeping sleep, there is a backup voice a backup system where you begin to float and see things out of body, then the voice begins to scream commands and orders like a demon on a hunt and invincible by both thought and physical attributes. It wants to kill and destroy and it wants to protect the body it was trapped in. That is the power and that is the sensation. You do not feel any fear; you produce it by billions of calculus and careful moves. Everything is clear and vivid and nothing expelled is worthless or a loss. Things move so quick it is always a win.

So look at that little girl and ask her why she is scared of her only friend now. Maybe her only friend likes to scare her because they have to do what they do? Maybe that little girl can block out those memories when she gets older and they become vague, not concrete yet. There is nothing to say and you do not know if it is real or not because you are only partners. Something happens when you are so happy and you see it, hear it, and witness it; it changes how you see your best friend and it changes how you see life or your life. There is no value to keep or be selfish about now and you just want to do your best and try your hardest. Try so hard you want to cry but you know that can never be. Maybe her only friend is so mean, she has to go to her room and lock the door and be by herself. Yes, she has to be by herself because her friend is busy and she is also. Right now he is meaner than hell and right now, so is she. So she just goes in her room and plays with her dolls or does those things little girls do until her wishes for a real friend returns to her and rocks her to sleep so that the next day, she can come along and also play. See, that is what a real friend is, right little girl?

Ann, I have loved you all along and have kept this hidden and repressed. I think you know this. We would not be here had we made mistakes before. I am not only so proud of you, I am not even able to tell you or express to you the joy you have been in my life and how much joy you bring to my life. I am not able to explain this love and the feelings we have for each other, what we have been through and how it has changed us. It made us better people and too us from freshmans to senior stature very quickly. I have never let go of your image or memory and I always carry that special part of you with me, sometimes the wind reminds me and a little voice in my head brings me back to the time we met and all the good times we had. If it means anything then I wish you to know this and to know I am not able to express how I feel but I want to be everything you have striven to become in my world. I cannot and refuse to overlook or discount that gift and it might amaze people or make them angry to disapprove, but we have set out with a plan and a reason in this world to achieve what dreams are about and what life is worth living for. There is no way a 38 year older and a 46 year older did what we have accomplished; but worse off is the fact that we did.

Cyber Warfare HQ

If people knew what this kind of love is about, they will know how you will never want to leave the side of the person you love and cherish with every waking minute of our life. Thank you Ann, thank you my love... "And I'll become, what you became to me..." (Sound familiar)