One moment things are fine. One day she is such a prize and jewel. Then it all collapses. She cannot do anything right. She is a total disappointment. She is on some life mission which nobody else is allowed in. You are trained one moment to trust her fully and the next to be fully disappointed. You are taught to scorn her and to keep your distance. Now she tells me the life we share is not the rules she has laid down. So why is it so uncomfortable and is she a good spouse and mate? Is this a big problem and is she a major problem and threat? She must be, this is just daily thoughts and as time passes; getting stronger. These people live in a pathetic state where they mess with each others head. Is Ann Coulter a good mate? It must be a problem if failure and mess ups are asked every single day. The stalker problem. Banned in her own chat site by someone (get the hell off the chat room). If I think about this every day; then it must be a problem. This is the championship; I hate screw ups and scrubs. Do it right or go home.
I do love her but...
Thursday, June 04, 2009 I have basically spent my entire life, over 20 years with my life long best friend and partner; Ann Coulter. Here are some thoughts along with my blog about our relationship and life long love. When we were younger, she was the one who had all the answers and the tom boy who hung out with you. She never said she had a crush or was secretly in love. That came in 1989. When it is just me and her; things are so rewarding and fulfilling; it cannot get any better. You cannot ask for anything more. It scores 12 out of 10 and has out of orbit realness and fulfillment. I understand she can get any man and has a stable of rich men who throw themselves at her. Ann does not need me; we are in an odd predicament.
Then you introduce others, a kidnapping, politics, and other people. You get a disaster. I am constantly confronting Ann if she is a good partner and a good spouse. Maybe my memory of her is wrong or mistaken? Maybe I am paranoid? Maybe I trust her too much? It must be a really big problem in her life and a woman's life; it must be a major secret yet to be discovered. So is she a good spouse and a best friend? I do not know why but it gets stronger and stronger as the days pass. It must be on her mind a lot because she does not answer it herself.
Ann said she messed up but never cheated or was unfaithful. She had bouts of depression and was in a vicious fight never letting go of her dream to be in love forever. To have the most rich and fulfilling love. Ann said the effort to destroy her and ruin her was so strong; the opposition got a big surprise when I popped up out of nowhere. The problem with it is not me and her; it is others; they are no damn good. Ann is unsure of herself about herself when the question is if she is a good spouse and a good mate. It feels like she is not sure and she wants to tell me to not trust her completely. Someone said when she moved to Florida things really changed in 2006 and she was more "careful." Careful of what? I have scorned her badly and got no response. It is a pathetic and ridiculous culture; but it is or was foreign to our relationship until 1998. Everything just collapsed and never regained it normal self. Now things changed permanently.
Is this the best she can do? Is this her best answer? Having these troublemakers, moles, political spies, and terrorists in our life has been hell. If not on one aspect then in the love category or the sex. Being their prisoner is a total turn off. They watch us and use our life as a weapon back on us. To drive us apart and to have them keep a bigger role. It is a major turn off the way they do this. They do it to spite you and to study your tolerances and outrage; to use it back against you with surveillance. Then they make an excuse about how they keep tabs and watch over us. Imagine a stalker and child molester who says, "I prevented them from cheating and tried to keep them happy by pressuring them."
The history of arrangements and our captivity by communists and terrorist infiltrators left unpleasant experiences and scars which is a major turn is off. The history of arrangements in both of our lives caused severe discomforts on both of us; mostly Ann because sex is a very secretive and private matter. The history of this arrangement and the actions of those closest to her or those who claim to be our closest; is a feeling of worry and discomfort. I am supposed to trust Ann and spent my life with her. She is supposed to feel the same way. Why can't she answer if she is a good spouse, can be trusted, or is my ultimate mate and match? It feels like someone is trying to teach me how to act around her, with her, and to her; but is it Ann? Things are different when nobody is around or here; what changed and why? Is she doing it and why?
When it is just her and I; things are great and there is no problems. Add people and this captivity and all hell breaks loose. Daily chaos, mistrust, suspicions, and a host of other problems. Why? Ann says it is them and not her. I have yet to see one shred of evidence to suggest Billary Maher, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, or others were even slightly honest. They tried to ruin her and take her down but failed. Now they got a big surprise and we see the changes. So why does this scar keep getting picked? Is it me or is it Ann? Do I tell her or order to stay home and never go out? Am I to change my ways and treat her with this ultimate suspicion and mistrust when it is uncomfortable? I have never had to deal with this or sit here and question Ann.
Why is the answer so difficult to figure out and why is Ann holding back on it? Is it being used as a weapon or is it some form of female persuasion? In the past year or two, my attitude has grown from total and full reverence and fulfillment to one of utter disappointment. There are times I feel proud and loved; then other times neglected and in utter disgust. I feel I am being trained by both Ann and someone else to have full trust and confidence in her while in a state of total disappointment. There are times of utter confusion and where she must prove herself. Annie says someone else is implanting this idea and it shows the fierce fight; I wonder if it is to cover over some of the disappointment and the turn offs. It is hard to tell what is real and what is not. One minute it is just a photo op; the next minute it is a steamy date. I get pissed off and turned off.
It is a very difficult situation and there are times of regret, anger, and self hate. Ann will say how it is for a good cause and what she is doing justifies any outcome; it is for charity, the future, and US. She wants sacrifice and to put forward as much sacrifice as she did. You are made to feel she is too pliable and dangerous. You are made to think she is corrupt or one step from a bribe; you are worried she will disappoint and screw up. To be honest, I don't have the full story or details. Ann says she regrets and did things she would probably not do now since the DVD (Is it True What They Say...). I am made to focus on her intentions and not details but she says none of it was intended to piss me off; but it was intended to piss off others.
I do believe Ann and in Ann. Where I used to believe in her fully and daily, it is now one day of utter disgust and disappointment; to the next day of back to normal and fulfillment. It feels dysfunctional and unreal. It feels like a fake person loves you back and the room for improvement is neglected. I do believe her and her life journey with me as a mate and partner; but she wants total trust when some days it is total disappointment and anger with her. One minute she does everything right and is perfect; the next moment she crashes it all and cannot do anything right. This is why it is so uncomfortable; it sounds like another trick of hers or to drag me through a life I would prefer not to know. It feels like she is on a mission; she gave herself to some cause greater than us. Why I am with her; is for her to answer; I am merely a spectator.
The reality and the trip down memory lane is this fight in the mind where she used to be the best friend and mate. Now it is a state of confusion waiting for the next disappointment and the next time to say, "But we are dealing with Ann and if you do not know her... then wait till the next stink bomb... She doesn't follow the rules or conventional motifs and customs." It feels like a walk down an asylum and insanity. It feels like you are loosing your mind when you are ten times stronger and she is a total pain in the neck. She does not make you stronger; she makes you hate yourself for being in this situation. It feels purposeful and a daily revelation. It is hard to tell who is playing with your reality or taking you down. I have caught Ann playing with my mind and have scorned her profusely. She was crying and hurt and said it was because she needed me and had worked so hard for this. I told her if I ever catch her again to pack her stuff and just leave and I will find a normal girl who can be trusted. You don’t hurt who you care for and ruin second chances in life.
The most disturbing part of this is the people behind the entire matter and the kidnappings or abductions. They are keeping quiet. They are claiming it is only fun and games; mere oppression. They are not aware we are tracing and prosecuting a terror and communist plot; a conspiracy. We had run smack into it. We hand and knew who the leaders were and put them in a trap. Now they skirt around and pretend nothing is going on or was. However, they hide the vicious attacks, the terror plots, and are not the slightest bit aware or concerned of the open investigation and how we traced it all back to them. That was the trap set for them. The most disturbing part is the permanent damage and the quiet solace of this traitor group. They know if they step in or aid in their capture; the terror and communist plot is not far behind; the failed recruitment. So the seriousness of the matter and then the effort to escape or keep quiet is the most difficult and problematic part of this. If they were on a crusade, then they sure are not acting as if they were or are. They know we know everything and have their grand master plan. They know we infiltrated and how; they got to see how it works. A taste of how it feels and what “they” look like; they sit next to us, we sit next to them. Only one will win.
1. A constant trajectory. Both trust and a good spouse; or a total disappointment and screw up; keep it constant and predictable not "this is Ann we are dealing with." Total trust and disappointment? When did I fall in love with this? When have I ever been this myself? Who keeps doing this? Stop inviting the scrubs and screw balls; hang them. I have to listen to them lie and how we are their captives and hostages.
2. Get the hell off the chat room. Want to chat? Be single again. Want to socialize and be single? Don't come back. Get these screw ups off our side and out of our life; hurt them and abuse them so they go away as a scrub and screw ball.
3. Once you are in a relation and a marriage; you loose your freedom and independence. You don't like it, don't get married and don't try to have a relationship. Stop making excuses and stop being a total disappointment or flip flopping.
4. No screw ups mean none. Not "I worked so hard" or "it’s all lies" or "I need you" or "close enough for government work." Don't like it? Find a scrub and a screw ball; this is the champions. Who the hell is inviting these failures and screw balls to the championship? Why are they in my life?
5. I have to meet and talk to these stalkers and deranged fans that ban me from web sites, read my emails, do cyber attacks, etc... You want to play games and trade love notes or hurt and hunt them down? Why the hell are you backing with the scrubs and the screw balls; hunt them and hurt them so they leave our life. They are occupying it. They think they are superior and special; no screw ups and screw balls at the championships. Unbelievable low quality and aggravation.
没有评论:
发表评论