DEAR IRAN: Iran and Israel are partners. If they loose control of this, they loose the regional and domestic control. We are not insane or radical enough to chase them or care one way or the other. We care for the truth and never get it. So if this crisis fades; they loose control and will loose power. I make this clear to Iran, we had nothing to do with 911 or any bombing plots. We are not involved in any form of terrorism and will impose severe penalty or harsh reprisals for anybody; puppet master or suicide goon looking to bully, terrorize, or beat up people who do their own thing. So we had nothing to do with it but we know those who did or whom did. A good start is to allow freedom of speech and free flow of information in their own nations; then we talk about the truth. The only person who cares about Israel is Iran and the only fuss who bitches about Israel is a bearded goofy Mullah in some stupid Euro rags. Try some jeans, they last longer when a bomb goes off. So my official statement to Iran is we had nothing to do with it or this, got it? Want some jeans or Abercrombie T shirts? How about some hottie or cheerleader garb to soften them all up? We are not going to war again after 9 years of it over a dumb plot.
Listen to me sweetie. I am in no mood to play with scrubs running draws, cross patterns, or blinky screens. Either you shape up or Utah will either kick your ass or kick your ass off the team, benched! You scrubs just make me so happy and act so sexy and cute; wait until they get my top secret plan. Now go and read this top secret plan and do not tell anybody, nobody Ann! Don't let me catch you mention my name, tell anybody you know me, or break military grade encryption; got it scrub? Do not mess up again or else Johnny gonna drill you with it. You do not want Johnny to drill it in there do you? Just like a fag, the ball will probably get dropped and Johnny is I’d. I cannot run anything or any kind of top secret plan with you Ann, open your eyes will you! Why don't you email all your friends and let them in on it or make super fun of me while they party it up and invite you to dinner parties or a cruise; back rubs? If I do not like you, can control you, stop you from breeding, or laugh at you; I might as well train you to fight your own wars and teach you some basic self defense (The black men problem fits well with you, get an AIDs test, all of you) honky. I think all of you are buffoons and jackasses but all you convince me every day why I only love you or how worse off they are ass jackasses and buffoons. At least you can hang with Utah and not piss him off that MUH. You chicks are good for two things, drinks and an arm rest. Just not playing balls with Utah. 
Worse is the chubby 180lbs cutie upstairs who is a 911 terrorist and telling me she wants an uppity super soldier. That Viet Cong chick thinks she is a super soldier; has it, is sneaky, a genius, beat up you or me, and is a warrior. Check this out, she is gross, disgusting, says the dumbest things, cannot shut up or sit quiet, cannot leave others alone, works at a taco joint, is married to a nut ass iRush limp wrist dickless cool ass honky, unable to run, unable to crawl, unable to learn, unable to be liked, unable to climb a tree, unable to do anything but beat people up or terrorize them. So thank iRush and iHannity for the magnificent cupid and last opus with the mating or call of the wild. Their stupid buffoon act probably ruined their wife and kids forever but we will see if Katherine can lead them out of hell. Now we are going to sue the EIB and Katherine for damages. If they are that great of a warrior, super soldiers, or Viet Cong like iRush terrorists, you would like them to lift their weight or shut the hell up right? They do study us closely and stalk us like a hunter or animal; but the sex part or mating call is grotesque and just like a terrorist or ape. 
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