ANN DID YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG OR TRICK ME INTO THINKING...

1/3/2009 8:23:41 PM Ann, before you tell me you love me or how great our life will be after twenty years, I need you to answer these questions and not pussyfoot around them with good excuses or arguments. I do not like mind games at such close proximity and in my love life. It feels like one of us is having a little too much fun with their disposition while the other is constantly complaining about the other. Why are there so many complaints? Why do I have all these stalkers on me telling me to beat it? Why is your staff in my life causing problems? Why am I complaining to you all the time now? Did you do something wrong Ann?

My analysis is as follows. I do not think Ann wishes to win this and if she does she wants to make sure we walk away with the maximum injuries and stories. I also think she wants people to criticize me how I want her to take care of me now that she collected on my generous offerings. I did most of this work; she became the voice of it. If one thing happens or if one of their attacks is successful; I am not the one who can spew out the insults and have cocktails with the enemy. If they get prosecuted and retaliate or have their operation shut down; the one who stands the most risk is I. Ann is still going to have her nice warm showers and cocktail parties. She is still going to have dates lined up with her enemies. It sounds to me she is saying “stop complaining” and “move on” but is ignoring how poor the quality of work is. It feels like someone saying “stop complaining” you got what you wanted. We are all suffering now.

Ann is taking these risks now and is the voice for someone, it is not me. She is trying to impress someone other than me. She is not contributing to the work I have listed and outlined her; it is someone else’s work or some other work. That is what I am concerned about; who is she trying to impress? It used to be tolerable but now it is a way to criticize who she is truly. It feels like a confession. It feels as if she played along and is asking if I can play along with her for as long as it takes for me to change like her. It feels like she is using the situation to change me and to calibrate to her life. We have been in the field for ten if not twenty years; what more does she want and ask? I am already fatally wounded and pinned down; one emergency and that is it; does not that effect her management style?

Does that not make Ann worry about who she loves or wishes to be with? If there is a problem, why doesn’t she just say so and explain? It feels like she is using the attacks and kidnappings to make me like her; even if she was not behind it. I am beginning to believe the enemy and how there is a lot of poor quality and blame to be passed around, right Ann? It is dangerous when I begin to believe the enemies. They will burn their house down with me or her in it. Need she do this also? How long does she expect people to be in the field and whose orders is she taking? Is she trailing or leading when she goes to these cocktail parties and dinners? Who is having fun here with the situation and matter and who is enjoying this a little too much?

It feels like she is doing this to win an image of not whining or complaining and it is to declare victory among her own circle of friends; that which I am not part of. She is plugged into someone or something where she has to take my gains and use it on them or to impress them more. So when they tell me “you do not know your own enemies” I believe them. I feel it and it is hard to tell is Ann is making me believe it or believe her. It feels like she makes no effort but made an effort to win my heart. Look what she is doing now and what the effects are. It feels as if she had been lying or had played along only. Now she is saying, “Do you like who I am now?” Am I more attractive and love now? Maybe I am loosing my mind but Ann likes to mess with people’s head; it is how she challenges them and gets her kicks. She does this with me also. This is how she plays games and how she wins things in life.