I WAS KIDNAPPED AS A PRIZE FOR SOMEONE: WHY AM I NOT ENJOYING THIS ANYMORE?

1/3/2009 6:30:32 PM Ann I want you to recognize you have my work and are using it to benefit. Ann, I need to know what is wrong with you okay. There is something wrong and I know this. Tell me what the problem is sweetheart.

I also want you to know you gave this work to our enemies and a communist and terrorist cell; although you are doing what you can to hurt them deliberately for exploiting my work. You got to know how to fight and when the kicks and punches are coming. Tell me what is wrong and what the problem is Ann; I am worried about you. It is like my little sister and me getting mad at her.

I want you to recognize they are coming to me and telling me I do not know who my enemies are and how you are with them. They see you as their girlfriend and you told me they abused you; now you are going back to them while they tell me I beat my wife.

I want you to recognize I have been in the field with no support, no medical care, my funds cut off, and my entire world turned upside down while you and these people are perfumed and sitting pretty with hot showers. You expect me to carry this on for another ten years with no time line or either your poor quality of work or very little results. It is upsetting. It sends the wrong message. It says something about you people and how you do business. You insist how you deserve love and are so much better then the rest and you all state how we must stay together or else we will not win this war.

I want you and all of these people to recognize and admit your malfunction. How you make poor followers and worse leaders. The quality and the level of stubborn is a big gap. You expect people to do things while you do not expect to do it yourself. What result you get is from someone else or very little. We are fighting like hell and getting the necessary results with the least amount of error, what is the malfunction with these people?

I have people barking down my ear how I do not even recognize the enemy and know who it is. It really fucks with my mind okay. I complain, I demand results, I ask if these people are retarded or do not recognize high quality, and I ask if anybody has figured out their malfunction or what is wrong with them. It is like a colony of cannibals and leaders who ate mad cow and now stare back asking if they are forgiven.

Ann, it feels like a relationship where we go up and down now. I do not know if we will ever be together or why. It feels like I have to come to terms with this and how you symbolize it. You claim they are your enemy. They claim you are their girl. You go back to them which make me think you get abused and want to return to your abusive boyfriend; it messes with my head. Worse, they use it against me and tell me to show them proof they were wrong. Why don’t they go and ask you or you ask them.

This is why you go so far with me and sink to the bottom. I cannot tell if my life is cursed now? Is it cursed with you or without you? You tell me you are going to fix it when I can fix this real easily by putting them on their knees. If I can get the funds, I would sue the hell out of them and make them answer up and pay up. There is no excuse for this poor quality of work and this breach in trust.

Ann I am trying to teach you something called “diminishing returns.” You cannot fight all of them and keep fighting your entire life while you loose what they know you want. Their game is to take what you truly want to reduce your fight and they almost did. Now I put that back and you still are not able to recognize the principle of diminishing returns; there is no way to teach this; it is intuition and also instinct. You listen to animals, listen to the ground, you feel the voice of God talking, and you close your eyes to feel your way. It is the difference between thinking you has a punch and getting kicked by a spinning kick trying to launch it. It is foolish to even try.

You and all these other people want to keep up with me. You and some of these people who have me under surveillance have a problem with their self esteem and feel they have to match or keep up. You have to accept sometimes a secondary or subordinate role. You might not be able to kick and punch so well; but you have to let those who can fight take over where you left off. You have to know the point of diminishing returns. Let someone else fight your fight; I do not even ask you to fight mine now and never have but you do not understand the laws of diminishing return; I have to tell you enough or how displeased I am. How unsatisfied I have become involved in this matter and with my work in the hands of people using it back on me because of their star power or fame.

I do not know whose voice and whose fight you have now. It makes you throw your arms in the air and wonder. It makes you feel you want to prove you can do better or do not know when to quit. In a fight you have to know when to quit, these people have mad cow disease, they do not. They have not met others who will break their arms or employ deadly submission holds on them. They just want to punch and kick their way to the top and do a bang up job. I do not know how to deal with it and how to deal with the feelings I am getting. Is this collective suffering where we all have to suffer because high quality work is out of reach?

Ann, my confidence in you is slipping and I have no control over it. See, you do not care and are living a perfumed life and with hot showers. Me I have been here for ten years on the edge of falling off and with no support. It feels like you or others are using it back on me. As if the truth chips away at me and the more I push into it, the more you chip away at me. Am I being punished by someone I care for and love and why? Why are you punishing me? Let someone fight your fight do not let them claim to be your boyfriend, abuse you, and then go back to them. How am I to feel? I am not sure who the fool is. I am not sure who is being embarrassed or made to feel embarrassed.

I detect a problem and a severe one. It is not my voice or how I operate either. It is not my fight so maybe someone can key in on it and determine how I am supposed to deal with this and you’re insisting on returning. I was brought up to get used to this and it sucks. Just do it right the first time and know when to stop or when to walk away. If you want to hurt them then hurt them but do not let them use it back on me as you have.

I would love to escape and kick my kidnappers out of my life; you want to return and go back to them and that is why I get disgusted. I would love to make them fix and restore my life now or in twenty four hours or face a massive billion dollar lawsuit and death penalty charges.

Do I see this happening? Why? The work I see is crap, junk and it has an affect on me. I hate these people. I hate low quality work. I hate people who do not know how to fight and cannot walk away; there are spin kicks, submissions, weapons, tornado kicks, and all sorts of deceptions; you can get drawn in and set up, etc… you can do so much and have to decide when enough is enough and walk away. It is going to add to more and more problems.






1/3/2009 8:23:41 PM Ann, before you tell me you love me or how great our life will be after twenty years, I need you to answer these questions and not pussyfoot around them with good excuses or arguments. I do not like mind games at such close proximity and in my love life. It feels like one of us is having a little too much fun with their disposition while the other is constantly complaining about the other. Why are there so many complaints? Why do I have all these stalkers on me telling me to beat it? Why is your staff in my life causing problems? Why am I complaining to you all the time now? Did you do something wrong Ann?

My analysis is as follows. I do not think Ann wishes to win this and if she does she wants to make sure we walk away with the maximum injuries and stories. I also think she wants people to criticize me how I want her to take care of me now that she collected on my generous offerings. I did most of this work; she became the voice of it. If one thing happens or if one of their attacks is successful; I am not the one who can spew out the insults and have cocktails with the enemy. If they get prosecuted and retaliate or have their operation shut down; the one who stands the most risk is I. Ann is still going to have her nice warm showers and cocktail parties. She is still going to have dates lined up with her enemies. It sounds to me she is saying “stop complaining” and “move on” but is ignoring how poor the quality of work is. It feels like someone saying “stop complaining” you got what you wanted. We are all suffering now.

Ann is taking these risks now and is the voice for someone, it is not me. She is trying to impress someone other than me. She is not contributing to the work I have listed and outlined her; it is someone else’s work or some other work. That is what I am concerned about; who is she trying to impress? It used to be tolerable but now it is a way to criticize who she is truly. It feels like a confession. It feels as if she played along and is asking if I can play along with her for as long as it takes for me to change like her. It feels like she is using the situation to change me and to calibrate to her life. We have been in the field for ten if not twenty years; what more does she want and ask? I am already fatally wounded and pinned down; one emergency and that is it; does not that effect her management style?

Does that not make Ann worry about who she loves or wishes to be with? If there is a problem, why doesn’t she just say so and explain? It feels like she is using the attacks and kidnappings to make me like her; even if she was not behind it. I am beginning to believe the enemy and how there is a lot of poor quality and blame to be passed around, right Ann? It is dangerous when I begin to believe the enemies. They will burn their house down with me or her in it. Need she do this also? How long does she expect people to be in the field and whose orders is she taking? Is she trailing or leading when she goes to these cocktail parties and dinners? Who is having fun here with the situation and matter and who is enjoying this a little too much?

It feels like she is doing this to win an image of not whining or complaining and it is to declare victory among her own circle of friends; that which I am not part of. She is plugged into someone or something where she has to take my gains and use it on them or to impress them more. So when they tell me “you do not know your own enemies” I believe them. I feel it and it is hard to tell is Ann is making me believe it or believe her. It feels like she makes no effort but made an effort to win my heart. Look what she is doing now and what the effects are. It feels as if she had been lying or had played along only. Now she is saying, “Do you like who I am now?” Am I more attractive and love now? Maybe I am loosing my mind but Ann likes to mess with people’s head; it is how she challenges them and gets her kicks. She does this with me also. This is how she plays games and how she wins things in life.




1/3/2009 9:07:13 PM I used to not pay attention to Ann and she was obsessed with giving me attention. Now I have to and did pay attention to her and I either do not like what I see or feel she did something wrong. She makes me get the idea she is guilty of something and avoiding me and her enemies have figured her out. I did not have to give her attention; she gave me all the attention. After I was taken out for five years and she had such a vast rise; I have to give her attention now and do not like her or who she is. That is my dilemma and I feel like I am loosing my mind and trapped with someone who causes me a lot of pain.

It is hard to see everybody worship her knowing it is my work and how they glamour her while she tries to manage me as if I was a fan she and her staff happened to stumble upon one day. Now when she goes off on her own; I get disgusted at what I have to hear or listen to and ask myself why I am now giving her so much attention and hate what I see? It was so much easier when I paid her no attention and was kidnapped or in prison fighting for my life. Now I am saying “yes she has been with me for twenty years and I do not know if she is a good spouse.” She feels she is super important and I try to support her while give her more and more; but it seems like it come back and is used against me by her staff and all my enemies.

I feel like I created some self enemy by creating Ann. I might have set the bar too high and asked her to jump it. I might have put pressure and demanded so much from her she cannot meet it. I might have done this to her and gave her no attention before. I am very critical and am always reevaluating things. I do things right on the first try or first run; rarely do I make mistakes. I think I might have messed Ann up and she tries too hard or shut things out. Like I said, it is easier when I give her no attention; then she wants attention and I cannot stand the mess and the circumstances so I yell at her to clean it up or make this or that change and she likes the mess. She loves the stalkers and her life; she laughs it off with such ease. She is not cool like me. She is not the rocker or the soldier. She is not the guy who rides wheelies around town or has people admire him because he is good at everything; so she tries to look for ways to impress me or wants me to like her. She knows I am gifted at everything and was kidnapped as some prize; is she the recipient?

Ann is a genius but I am a natural; everything comes in easily even thinking and war. Nothing fazes me and nothing scares me. What scare me are retarded people and jackass losers. What scares me is Ann while she admires and has a crush on me for my entire life. I do 500 push ups and she reads 500 pages, get it? She knows I have shut others out because of how my life turned and she opens up hers. It is getting to a point where everything she does no longer impresses me and feels fake. She knows I am gifted and have been mentally and physically. If Ann Coulter has kissed my ass all my life, then I have to have something going for myself even if I was kidnapped and my life stolen by some retarded homicidal maniacs. I am almost homicidal by the entire matter. This is the risk with living with dirt stupid and worthless losers. Now when I need her after this ordeal, she goes and flaunts it as if I treated her like a dork or ignored her before. It makes me think she did it or enjoys the power over me. Am I noticing too much and my antennae too powerful?

I used to talk sense in her and now do not want to give her attention but am forced to again and again. Why does she wish to implant the idea I must hate my spouse or hate women? I feel like she is doing this to me and communicating this. I have super sensitive intuition and pick up on the slightest noise; Ann screams yells and makes so much noise it messes with people’s minds. This is why we are not good together; as a commando I close my eyes and blank my mind; I am forced to be a disciplined soldier and to be humble in battle; to know when the enemy is on the run and when to make no noise. I get frustrated with Ann all the time now. I get the feeling she is enjoying this too much but wants me to give her attention.

Life is easier if I do not give her any attention or have to listen to what she has to teach me; it is how awful women are, how much they lie, how bad human beings get, etc… I have had so many people try to build some ultimate messiah and I am so fed up with the poor quality and insanity of these people; I see Ann doing it now and try to not give attention to her or fight it. I am constantly fighting the mind games she plays and I have to ask if she did anything wrong. It is such a struggle with her and she wants to be so accessible to others thinking it will boost mine or her life. She thinks I want to give her more and more attention when my feelings become more and more confused. I FEEL LIKE A HOOKER. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE MAXIMUM AGGRESSIVE AND CONFIDENT.