I HOPE YOU ARE STILL A CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR NOMINEE AND THE RUMOR, REPORTS, AND ALLEGATIONS ARE JUST MORE DISINFORMATION INTENDED TO HURT YOUR

03/23/2009 4:55:09 PM Dear Ann, I hope that you are only showing me how you defended yourself and how you had to fight off your attackers throughout the years. I also hope you are not choosing the Silver Star and plead guilty to some inconsistency which you will either burn in hell for or feel guilty. I do want a deep and lasting love you call "forever" and I do see how you never traveled around the world, took advantage of "too much of a good time", and got a chance to socialize and proove your point. I do not know why they did not take you out early or still sit idly. So I hope you did not have an abortion, live with some man, had some 20 something stay over, and did something that would ruin our love life and how you and I are so close. I know you poured over, day and night and stressed minute by minute how loyal and faithful you were and how you had to "go undercover" or "camouflage" because I had told you they were going to smash you if you came in to rescue me. They were just waiting for you and it messed things up so badly my love. I am so sorry and I told you to move on and that was all I could do. How do we reconcile the fact I was kidnapped, used for bait, and if you did not wait or used your body; things would turn out so much worse? Just as the video shows on Alias; you stood shocked while I was taken out and I told you to run and to hide, it was over for me. You yourself can swear to God that was how we played it or to let the years pass. I do not know how to call it.

I went to the supermarket and like usual, have some really old and over the hill women surround me. It is one after the other. I do not know them but some are cute; not offensive or threatening. I think of you and what the years have done or not. If you or I am looking for perfection, it will not be found; but you made so many fatal mistakes and irreversable ones. So I hope the engagements and boyfriends were all "some fictional character" or cover. I hope the living with a man was a way to drive the media nuts. I hope the Jewish arm candy is just an insult on your enemies. I hope the act is just that and not something you did which will piss me off or come between us. I also hope you get the CMOH and can stand proudly next to me. I am a warrior and everybody sees that; I need a partner and a life long friend who can go the distance and stand as proud. We cannot have kids now and again, I am so sorry. You had your chance to move on and all the reasons to; yet you chose to stay. Now neither of us can have kids and you feel adoption is an alternative. That will show your resolve and how you never quit; making a worse or horror into a happy ending. That is you. People do not know this but we really have been together for 20 years and I really doubt you would ever betray me or intentionally try to use love as a weapon. You might be put in a difficult situation and almost been raped; but you did on them what they did on us and never broke the law; they broke all the rules; we broke none of them. I made sure to tell you this and how I did not want to turn into some disgruntled felon.

So I know deep in my heart and I know how close we are and how much you love me. I do not think anyway I look at it, things would or could have turned out perfect or any better. I do not know. You did things which pissed me off also. You caused me to become delusional and angry to the point where you were scared to call or talk to me and I was scared not to compliment or say "I love you" because the next day you would get giddy and make me so angry. You are trying to talk to me and a few others and it blew up again and again. We need to talk one on one and not live in this fantasy land of books you have created. I need you to put the book down, the fantasies or make believe world away; and be a real life person. You have to stop this and step into my world and our world. If you love me as you say and will do anything to stay together; you have to perform and now. No mistakes is going to make the situation worse than it is. If you did not get anything from it, do not waste our relationship on losers. Do not log time with men you care nothing about and have it come between us. A chance to socialize is okay but aren't you taking it to the extremes and acting weird?